A note to FaceBook

Dearest Facebook,


Why does my feed bounce around to and fro?
The pages are loading with a stop and go.

I scroll down, you pop me back up.
With a flash and a blink I'm thinking: ENOUGH!

I click a link and my screen goes white.
I'm telling you, seriously, it is a horrible sight.


For this I am nursing an ache in the head.
I am threatening to pick up a good book instead.

So please, I beg of you, please fix this annoyance.
You've spent lots of time and money promoting your flamboyance.

Would it be too much to ask to easily edit photos and post?
Because we all know you have gleaned our habits, you boast.

And money is no object for most of you there.
So please, pretty please, stop me from pulling out my hair.

Sincerely,
Me
P.S. this goes for you too......."Known Issues on Facebook"

From the, "This would only happen to me" file....

Mr. I and I went to visit our Financial Guy for our annual check-up. It was one of those meetings where you leave with a few printed reports telling you how broke you are. Anyway, after the meeting I needed to go to the Lady's Room. So, I headed down the hall, stack of papers in tow.

I entered the bathroom and realized I had no place to put the papers. So, I put them on the back of the toilet. Now...don't get ahead of me here...

I sat, did my business (strictly liquid, if you must know) and then stood. As I stood I felt and heard a rustle of papers. I turned quickly to find one of the reports (the full report mind you) there, in the toilet, marinating in "my business". Of course, I had to grab the papers. Now what? I retrieved them from the toilet and stuck them in the garbage. I realized that my entire personal report, all 4 pages of it, was the information that took the plunge. The other two sets I was holding were fine.

Now, after retrieving the soggy report, I had to go tell my Financial Guy's daughters (they work there as well) about my dilemma. Of course, I had to apologize for what they were to find in the trash can. And, of course, I needed them to print another report. Luckily, I know these people pretty well.

A normal person would have been mortified, or at the very least, embarrassed. I really wasn't embarrassed. I found it more amusing than anything. My first thought, after, "Oh No! I have to put my hands....in there!" was, "Wow! This will make a great blog post or FaceBook status."

I ask you....WTF is wrong with me? I've been overtaken by the narcissistic reality show bug? Just have to put my business on the street? Well, maybe. But you have to admit, it was pretty damn funny.

I hope beyond hope that the fall wasn't a sign of my financial status for 2011. Because if it is, that's really gonna piss me off.

Christmas + Chanukah = Chanumas. Cheers!

This weird post is brought to you by the letter C
Constant Celebrations. Copious Cocktails. Congenial Calls. Capra Cinema. Countless Calories. Coughing Cash. Christmas? Chanukah? Converging Customs: Chanumas! Courtesy Compliments Conviviality Completely.

Couples Combine Cultural Commemorations. Communing, Crafting, Collective Comfort. Captivating Cheerful Children; Callow Conjoin Creaky - Commingling Companions. Complaints Cease. Calm Composure Collects. Chipper Clan.

Conversations Carry Consideration, Cooperation. Comedy Cleanses Complications. Characters Clowning Can Cajole Cantankerous Crowds. Cold Concoctions Cure Cynics, Cancelling Crappy Comments.


Credit Cards Cooking. Call Costco Catering. Contact Central Casting. Crash Cabin Cleaning. Civilized Clothed Chassis. Company's Coming! Commence Countdown.


Concocting Cheerful Commotion. Commission Charming Chores. Cameras Clicking, Capturing Costumed Characters. Circulating Copies (Computer Contraband) Chronicling Ceremony. Cyberspace - Cascading Chums Cavalcading, Causing Commotion. Complimentary Calls.....Cute! Clever! Cameras Click, Click, Click.....Chagrined Chaperones Can't Cancel Crimson Cheeks. Crazy.

Celebrate Cautiously. Cheers!

Thought this was funny....

The 6th Night of Chanukah the gift is.....

The new updated Festivus Pole and Harry Hanukah.

Behold, the power of the pole...and, oh...wanna buy some socks?

For the 4th and 5th nights of Chanukah, the gift is...

A lesson: Don't every put a bottle of Charonnay in the freezer and proceed to fry latkes on the 4th Night. You will forget the bottle of wine and have this as a new project for the 5th Night of Chanukah. A mess was had by all.

On the 3rd night of Chanukah, the gift was.....Christmas Time for the Jews!

Don't forget to "circumcise the squirrels in the city park"....this just cracks me up.

These Kids Are Amazing Dancers

Happy Fall Y'all

Conan O'Brien's 60 Minutes interview

This is why I will not watch Leno. It is easy to see the character of a man. There is Leno and there is Conan.....no contest.


Watch CBS News Videos Online

Conan O'Brien - TBS now called: The Best Station

So glad Conan found a home. Hell, I would have watched him on the Home Shopping Network. But Conan on cable will be an excellent choice. He'll get to be him. I can't wait.

Happy April Fool's Day, Y'all!

Went online this morning and this is what greeted me. Of course, I was a little thrown until later I found a nice little article on the April Fool's pranks going on around the country. The jokes have begun. This particular joke was a nod to Topeka, Kansas. Topeka decided to start calling the city "Google" in hopes of winning Google's affection and locating a facility there. So, Google returned the favor.

Here is just a sampling of some of the entertaining jokes going on there on the internet machine.

RSVP Oh How I Love Thee...6 Step Program for "RSVP-atosis"

I'm turning over a new leaf this year. I'm going to stop inviting people who don't like to RSVP. As liberal a person as I am, there are just some social rules that are still in place for a reason. Letting a potential host or hostess know whether you can or can't make an event (be it small or large) is just common sense and common courtesy. This subject should be self-explanatory, but there are many people who either forget manners, don't know manners, or prefer to ignore manners. That is their right. It is my right to not invite them.

Mr. I and I have entertained quite a bit through the years. We aren't formal people, nor do we formally entertain. But 9 times out of 10 when we have a gathering, we don't know exactly who is showing up. Don't get me wrong, I understand the occasional forgetting. I understand that we all have busy lives. I also understand that people get sick at the last minute. I'm not Emily Post, so the RSVP doesn't have to be fancy. A text, email, call, fax, a shout out the car window as you race by, a rock wrapped with a note, a Morse Coded message or a smoke signal will do fine. Just let me know you got the invitation, that would be a start. There is nothing wrong with saying, "Hey! Thanks for the invitation. I need to check with __________(wife, husband, boyfriend, significant other, child, priest, therapist, rabbi, boss, dog, cat, parrot, gold fish...) to see if we have anything else going on. Can I let you know ASAP?" That is a WONDERFUL first step to recovering from "RSVP-atosis" and would be MUCH appreciated. Remember, the host with the most and the hostess with the mostess have to buy food, liquor etc. It is nice to know how much to buy.

For my friends and family who just can't quite commit to a Yes OR a No, here is a 6 step program for "RSVP-atosis"....you can thank me later.

1. Acknowledge the invite. Send a quick text or email just to say you received it.


2. Don't be afraid that an invitation rejection will hurt the host's feelings. He or she would rather know you won't be there.


3. If you aren't sure you really want to go, then don't. Just say you can't make it.


4. If you don't like the person who invited you, respectfully decline-quickly and change your email address and possibly your phone number.


5. If you are waiting for some better offer from Brad Pitt, Rush Limbaugh, Sharon Stone or Sarah Palin, then do everyone a favor; Just Say No.


6. If you are planning to go to the event, then say so! Don't assume the host can read your mind or happens to know your schedule.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

P.S. In case you wondered, or forgot, RSVP stands for "répondez, s'il vous plaît". However, you don't have to speak French to know what it means.

Here, let me update it for all those who care:

Respond
Sweetie
Very
Promptly

"Nine"- The movie with no soul

Yes, I said that. The performances were wonderful. The dancing beautiful. The costumes were exquisite. The singing was grand. Then why did I walk out of the theater thinking, I didn't watch another energetic "Chicago"...I just saw another "All That Jazz" which was just as narcissistic and bizarre.

I didn't hate "Nine", I just left feeling disappointed. I'm always amazed when a movie is well executed, but yet it seems hollow. I believe that boils down to the screenplay and the script. Writing is everything. But yet that was a theme running through this film...no script, make a movie by the seat of the pants. But it missed some unwritten mark.

I read somewhere about this movie that it was based on Fellini's "8 1/2". Ok, fair enough. I was never a big fan of Fellini's movies. However, I saw many of them so long ago I should probably revisit them. I do appreciate that he gave us the word "paparazzi". Even though the direct definition is closer to "buzzing insect", that is pretty close to what those people do for a living. So I'll give him that. But somehow I think Mr. Fellini was just as narcissistic as the character of Guido in "Nine". But is that worth even the $14 of matinee priced ticket?

I have really basic needs of a movie. If I'm going to deal with the lines, the price and the talking of other patrons, I want to be not only entertained...I want to forget that I have to pee. Make me forget that I should have gone to the bathroom during the previews. Make me and my bladder so entertained that I have no need to move. So if I'm judging this one based on that, then I didn't get up to pee...but I could have an wouldn't have missed a thing.

And there you go.

The Mall-The Day After Christmas

I'm not sure what possessed Mr. I and me to visit the mall today. Actually, I just wanted to add two capiz shell snowflakes to my new collection for the fireplace. Yes, the irony of me having the bah humbugs but yet put up some decorations (sans a tree) is not lost on moi...but I digress. As with so many trips to the mall, the picking up of the capiz shell snowflakes led to waiting in a slow line. God was testing my patience today. But I stood there, to give them my $14 like a good little soldier of the consumer army.

After leaving one of my favorite stores, Restoration Hardware, snowflakes in tow, we decided that we needed a little more feeling of rudeness. So we walk around to Pottery Barn. Then back to visit a friend at Davis Kidd. And on this journey I was lured into Coldwater Creek to pick up a couple of sweaters. They were having a 50% off sale on THE ENTIRE STORE. How could I pass that up? So I scooped up the sweaters, and stood in the longest, slowest line in all the land. The line rivaled that of a Six Flags ride. It was the kind of line where you get to know the people around you. You hear their stories, and as you stand there listening, you forget not only why you are standing in this insane line, but you forget what items you are holding in your hands. Was it worth this effort? The jury is out since I didn't try anything on. I like living life on the edge.

So that was my day after Christmas. On to warm up some leftovers and uncork the wine. Hope your day was fun.

Holiday Hermits Part Deux - The Tree

There is this tree here in Nashville. A Dogwood. Every year the owners would light the tree to a magnificent splendor. The owners decided to sell the house. When I saw the "For Sale" sign go up in the yard I was heartbroken. Would the new owners relight the tree for the next Holiday Season?

Spring came and the Dogwood bloomed. The blooms fell and the leaves grew. The "For Sale" sign left the yard and the new owners moved in. But if you look closely as you drive by on that busy street, you'll see the sun's light casting a glimmer of the lights(unlit)woven on to the branches of the tree. There was hope.

I noticed as Spring moved into Summer that the Dogwood was looking a little droopy on one side. I noticed that the leaves never grew on one side of the tree. I surmised that the lights that I loved so much had damaged the beautiful old Dogwood. I was heartbroken once again.

Summer moved into Fall. Fall moved into Winter. The Holidays were upon us. One evening as I rounded the bend of that busy street, I was breathless! There it was, lit with all it's previous glory. I noticed the owners removed the dead branches but re-lit the tree. God Bless us every one! It is a Chanumas Miracle!

I decided that this year, I MUST photograph that tree. I knew I would never capture its true glory. It would take a camera much better than mine with a nice tripod. But I didn't want to disturb the owners with a big to-do. I had Mr. I drop me off at the house (like I said...it is a very busy street. There are no sidewalks. Danger lurks with every car that speeds by) so that I could quickly shoot the tree. As I suspected, I couldn't capture the grandeur of the tree. So today, since I'm a Holiday Hermit, I turned it into a dream.

I wanted to thank the owners of that cute little house for taking the time and effort to re-light the tree. It just goes to show you that one action can affect many people and bring them much joy. I'm sure no one tells those homeowners just how much they enjoy their tree. So, I'm doing it now. Thank You! I would leave a note of appreciation or a card in your mailbox, but the speeding traffic and impatient drivers prevent this thoughtful act. Please take this as my heartfelt thanks for lighting your beautiful tree. You make my Holiday EVERY year. And welcome to the neighborhood!

Holiday Hermits

I think we may have started a new tradition this year. Holiday Hermits.

I'm not sure why, but I had zero, zip, nada Holiday Spirit this year. I went about making the motions to see if I could knock myself out of the Festivus Funk, but to no avail. So here it is, December 25th and Mr. I is feeling bad so we aren't going to see a movie. That is really OK with me. Not that he isn't feeling well, of course. I don't like it when he is sick. But it is OK with me that we aren't getting out to see a movie. It is cold, WINDY, rainy and very gray today. We have 3 Netflix movies that we haven't seen, so staying in is just fine.

We did peruse the movie section, just to see if anything peaked our interest. We really want to see 4 actually. "Nine", "Avatar", "Up In The Air" and "Sherlock Holmes". But Mr. I really wants to be feeling good to see "Avatar". I felt like "Up In The Air" and "Sherlock Holmes" could be good Netflix movies. But "Avatar" and "Nine" need to be seen in a theater first. Don't you love the way we rationalize and justify whether taking a shower, getting dressed and riding in a car today is worth it or not? Let me give you a hint: I'm making this post at 12 pm-ish still in my Christmas jammies. Mr. I is taking a nap. Holiday Hermits are we.

I had a lovely surprise this morning. Mr. I made me Christmas breakfast. French Toast, Scrambled eggs and turkey bacon. It was tre YUMMY! Tonight's feast will consist of two steaks that are bigger than my ass (yes, that is MIGHTY big) and the usual sides, plenty of wine and homemade Key Lime Pie for desert. Santa, aka Harry Hanukah, brought Mr. I a beautiful new grill that he got for a wonderful price. It's a much fancier one than we have ever had before. So we feel rich. Well, until the bills come due.

So, that is what is happening at our house today. All things being equal, I'd say Holiday Hermits should be the new wave of celebratory traditions.

Merry, Merry! Cheers!

Piano Stairs in Sweden-Thanks Volkswagon

Love this:

This is all over Twitter: MadMen yourself!

I had more fun with this. Give it a try and enjoy!

Thank you for Taxes...yes I said it.

JOURNAL ENTRY:
THANK YOU, TO MY FELLOW TAXPAYER!!
NO MATTER HOW YOU VOTE, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU!

April 15, 2009

I woke up this morning to more complaints. Complaints about this, complaints about that. But mainly people complaining about taxes. No one likes taxes. I don't like them anymore than anyone else. But as Lyle Lovett said, "It's just a fact of life, no one cared to mention." And of course there is that old one about Death and Taxes...both are a fact of life.

There are people standing in the rain, sleet, snow, or even sunshine all over the country today wasting perfectly good tea....I'm not sure why. I'm sorry for my ignorance and limited intelligence, but I don't really understand it. I've tried to wrap my head around it, but I just don't get it. I mean, tea is expensive! Tea is tasty...hot or cold! Some tea is good for you! I know there are starving children in Biafra or Somalia who would love to have all that tea. Oh, I think I know what they are trying to express, and I commend them for the effort of replicating not only the Boston Tea Party but also Ron Paul's Libertarian Movement in their quest to express their 1st Amendment Rights as United States Citizens. What they lack in originality, they more than make up for in good old fashioned EFFORT! However, if you hate taxes that much, burn your Medicare Cards! Or take your Mother and Father's Medicare cards and burn them....right there on the White House Lawn...now THAT would be original.

I decided this morning that we need another special day to give Thanks for all that we have and all that our taxes pay for. We don't think about these little things that we all take for granted every day. It is a Thank You not only in a spiritual way, but a Thank You to all of my fellow taxpayers who all chip in and help us live in a great country.

Feel free to copy and paste this email and add anything you are grateful for. It doesn't have to be 20...just one is fine. I'm sure I left many things out! Put your name beside it and copy me on it...I would love to read what you have to say.

THINGS I AM EXTREMELY GRATEFUL FOR:

1. First and foremost, I'm thankful for the First Amendment...that allows all of us to express our opinions, even if they differ from our friends and family.

2. I'm so thankful today. Thankful for Mom's Social Security and Medicare. And full of thanks for my Mother and Father in-law's Social Security and Medicare. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

3. I'm also VERY thankful for Trash Day. A big truck just took away all that stinky garbage so that I don't have to smell it or look at it anymore. THANK YOU!!! And Curbside Recycling helps me be a better person....thanks for that too!

4. I'm also VERY thankful for VA benefits. THANK YOU for taking care of those wonderful souls who take care of us and protect us from enemies both foreign and domestic.

5. Thank you for clean water! Wonderful clean water! I can drink it, cook with it and bathe in it. What a wonderful gift...THANK YOU!

6. I'm VERY THANKFUL to those people who risk their lives for us everyday and Fight the Fires, and Watch out for my house and my business and are there when I dial only 3 numbers.

7. I'm so incredibly thankful that Ken has a client today. What is even more incredible is that he was able to make it across the Demonbruen Street Bridge without it falling on to the highway below. THANK YOU TDOT for working on that bridge and keeping it structurally sound for at least a little while longer!

8. I'm even thankful that my car is inspected every year. Yes, I said it! Because not only are they testing my car to be sure that it isn't transferring more toxins into the air than it is supposed to, but they are testing my neighbor's cars as well. THANKS for making sure we can breathe cleaner air for another year.

9. I am so grateful for National Public Radio and National Public Television. What a rich source of information, education and news programming. We should all support that wonderful institution more if we can afford to, especially if we listen to it daily.

10. I am VERY grateful for the National Endowment for the Arts. Art is something we all take for granted. OK, so you don't like that sculpture you saw on the town square, isn't it great that it is there? I bet even if it isn't your taste, you took someone by it just to see it and find out if they agree with your taste in art. THANKS for the NEA and THANKS for PUBLIC ARTS PROJECTS LOCALLY AND NATIONALLY!!

11.Thanks for the Pell Grant! If it wasn't for the Pell Grant, I couldn't have paid for some of my education. The Pell Grant...it helps low income people make a better life for themselves! THANKS FOR THAT!

12. THANK YOU....especially now for the FDIC. THANK YOU for insuring that the cash I put away will still be there when I need it. THANKS for helping me refrain from burying it in the backyard, although I've thought about it many times this past year. THANK YOU to the FDIC who are a streamlined agency that takes care of failing banks...but mainly takes care of OUR MONEY...up to $250,000 of course. And saying that, THANK YOU for raising the joint account coverage to $500,000. I know we don't have anything close to that, but thanks anyway!

13. THANKS for understanding that we need safe roads on which to drive. I'm THANKFUL to the State of Tennessee (TDOT) and The State of Texas for keeping their roads in good shape. Texas by far is the leader in this, but if anyone has made the trip from Texas to Tennessee, you know that Arkansas...well, they need help. Near Littlerock is much better, THANKS FOR THAT BY THE WAY, but Texas....smooth sailing in your car.

14. I'm so THANKFUL for Public Schools. Yes, they need help. Yes, the structures need work. But THANK YOU for allowing children to learn. The system is far from perfect, but I am EXTREMELY THANKFUL to have the system.

15. I am very thankful for the internet. What did I do without it? What a wonderful addition that has given to my life. It expanded and really MADE my business, gave me skills that I now take for granted and opened up a huge new world full of new and old friends and information that I would have never known if not for the internet. THANK YOU FOR THE INTERNET! I know that Al Gore didn't invent it. But I'm sure a grant somewhere gave an engineer somewhere the extra money to invent it. Sorry I'm not doing the research this minute to name those involved.

16. Thank you for providing safe Air Travel. I know that isn't perfect either, but overall it is still the safest and quickest way to travel. Thanks to the NTSB for researching and inspecting crashes to try to prevent them in the future.

17. Thanks for the National Park System and the State Park System. That doesn't need any explanation does it?

18. And how about that Public Library System! I don't have to spend hard earned money for a book or even a movie. I can go to my Public Library and voila! Next thing you know I'm reading or watching for FREE!!!

19. Thank you for not allowing children to work before they are old enough to do so. This isn't true all over the world, so thank you for letting them be children for a little longer.

20. Last but not least...THANK YOU TO MY BOOKKEEPER AND ACCOUNTANT! They work hard on my behalf to keep me out of the woodshed with the IRS. I pay them and they are worth EVERY PENNY! Thank you for helping me participate in the system...with as little hassle as is possible with the current Tax Code. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

So, there you go...I find being Thankful today is much more fun than the alternative.