It's December 10 again. It keeps coming every year, no matter what. So does February 28, March 7 and March 15. Four dates that our family remembers. We remember exactly where we were in 2008 when time stood still.Sweet Cheeks would have been 18 today. She would have been filled with piss and vinegar, sugar and spice. And hopefully we would have understood one another better long before today's date.
The last time we saw each other in 2007 it ended in a fight. The last time I heard her voice, it was over the phone. When she heard me say her name, she hung up on me. She was 15.
These are things I have to live with. Time marches on. Life moves on. And the living, in our family at least, have memories of her and 4 days during the year where tears will be shed. Tears are shed at other times, of course, but on those days, it's a given.
February 28, 2008 she stepped inside the cab of that pick-up truck for a quick ride home. An immature driver acting like a fool and using bad judgement prevented her from arriving at her destination.
March 7, 2008 Sweet Cheeks fought hard, but didn't make it.
March 15, 2008 her funeral was on my 46th birthday.
December 10, 2008 would have been her 16th birthday.
As each year passes, those dates are always flashing at me like neon signs on the side of a long and winding road.
I have to say something to her on every one of those days. If I don't say them out loud, I keep them in my thoughts. Usually, I write them to her in this blog.
Although she rarely believed it, I loved her very much. She and her sister were the closest I ever came to having children. I tried to do what was best for them even though they lived 700 miles away. They were in my thoughts every day. They still are.
I know she's in Heaven, celebrating her Birthday and hopefully "chillaxing" with her GG-D. As I said back in 2008, I hope GG-D's in a good mood.
Happy Birthday Koo Bear. I love you.
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