Leap Day......REALLY.

On this Leap Day, I had an enlightening revelation:
Self-righteousness is a young woman’s game.

What the hell does that mean? In my mind, it takes a lot of effort to remain 100% omniscient, correct, pure, morally and intellectually superior 100% of the time. It takes fortitude, confidence and a big ass pedestal to place one's self upon....perfectly pedicured feet (I'm sure) included.

How I got here isn't important. Let's just say that a sweet girl was working really hard to teach this old dog new tricks about the world as she sees it now. Problem is the girth of the exercise was only matched by its obnoxiously condescending delivery. After reading just a few paragraphs of the intended lesson plan, I had an in my face, ah-ha Oprah moment. The girl did teach me a lesson, but it wasn't the one she had hoped for. I believe that the original altercation, accompanied with the diatribe that followed, may have been some payback for me trying to be smarter than my family when I was younger. God....if you are listening, I get it now and I’m really, really, really sorry.....really.

I understand now that the long letters I wrote to boyfriends when they broke up with me, filled with self-righteous indignation and overflowing emotions, were a waste of writer’s cramp. I’m really glad that they didn’t have email or FaceBook when I was in my 20’s because I would have gotten myself into a lot of trouble. The act of writing long hand on paper with an actual pen slows down the thoughts long enough to save yourself…..a little.

I now understand that my constant listening of NPR when I was in my 20’s made my family crazy. I understand now when I tell my brother that he sounds like a total dick when he constantly uses the “N” word, makes me sound condescending. I also understand that when I tell him he really doesn’t want to spread that kind of hate to his children, I am totally out of my league and I need to STFU. I get it now. But God, I’m now old. And although it took me this long to fully understand how people really don’t give a shit about what I think or say, I really get it now. I need to learn to Shut The Fuck Up much more than comes naturally to me.

So here is what I'm going to try to do:

• I need to remember that it isn’t my duty to express my opinion at the drop of a hat.....with or without permission.
• It isn't my job to educate the masses or my Tea Party nightmares on my FaceBook friend’s list. (Liberal friends: don't judge. I keep my options open to break the monotony of everyone agreeing with me.....wow, that made me laugh)
• I pledge just to bitch about politics on my private FaceBook group of Liberals where no one else can see me. 
• I'll try to keep dipping my toe back into the Twitter pool, even though I don't seem to be swimming very well there.
• I promise not to post anymore links about any interesting articles I read about current events. Nobody cares.
• I will try to just keep it light and airy in social media and write on my blog….no one reads that anyway.
• I've known for awhile that I need to rethink my social media self, I really know it now. I get it.
• I will try not to write such long emails and try my best to keep it within the 5 "Ws" and 1 "H" style.....and don't forget my "Inverted Pyramid".
• I will try to remember that humility is not a dirty word, but condescension is.

So there is the laundry list of challenges I need to attempt. I need to take my Karma like a good little bitch and make my life easier and lighten the load in my brain.

Just remember, they just aren't that in to me. But I need to be more in to me.

Like I said, self-righteousness is a young woman’s game.....REALLY!

I choose....

I'll never forget what this day represents. I'll never forget what happened on this day in 2008. I'll never forget what happened on March 7, 2008. These dates and the horrible week that connected them will be in my memory forever. For the past 4 years I was compelled to mark these days, but it has become exhausting. The memory of what happened will never leave me. However, assigning so much importance to the actual dates of those horrible days is becoming just too much for me. Does dreading every February 28th honor her life? Does that bring her back? Filling February and March of every year with dread and sadness is not helping me lead a productive life and it does not bring any sense of closure. I have to stop blaming the months. They are just words on a calendar page. I'm using this day to try my best to let it go.

So, in an effort to get on with life, I choose...

I choose to remember her in life.
I choose to remember her every day, not just on the bad days.
I choose to wish her Happy Birthday on every December 10.
I choose not to wear the sadness that February 28th represents.
I choose not to wear the sadness that March 7th represents.
I choose not to relive that horrific time every year.
I choose to look at her picture and smile.....OK, I can't quite do this yet.
I choose to remember the whole person; her good, her bad and her in-between.
I choose to be grateful for the time she was here.
I choose to let go of what she could have been and appreciate what she was.
I choose to move on.....because I have to.

Doing our best to live life for today is the job, often the chore, of those left behind.

Insignificance

I realized today that my writing skills are not what I had hoped they were. I love to write. But I'm not very good at it. Apparently the simplest thoughts can not be expressed well. And I'm really starting to rethink all of it. What is the point?

FaceBook: people aren't that interested in what I have to say. Probably, because I say too much, too often.

Twitter: people aren't that interested in what I have to say. It became such a big ball of nasty hate, I became bored.

This Blog: No one reads it anyway, so it doesn't matter.

I really need to do something else. There is no need to express myself. It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. And really, is anyone asking for my opinion? No. So why do I feel the need to give it? It is a waste of breath. It is a waste of time. It is a waste of keystrokes.

Now what?

Quid Pro Quo

Quid Pro Quo: ("what for what" in Latin) most often means a more-or-less equal exchange or substitution of goods or services.

Spinning Quid Pro Quo: The ability of the giver to make the receiver of the exchange believe that not only was it a good idea, but he/she is doing a favor and the services they are giving are worthy of not only the first exchange, but for all exchanges in the future. But this is OK, because the receiver likes/loves the giver so very much, they are willing to do what it takes to please them. This state of being is often shared between users and people pleasers. It benefits both very well. For an alternate definition, see any episode of Entourage.