Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I choose....

I'll never forget what this day represents. I'll never forget what happened on this day in 2008. I'll never forget what happened on March 7, 2008. These dates and the horrible week that connected them will be in my memory forever. For the past 4 years I was compelled to mark these days, but it has become exhausting. The memory of what happened will never leave me. However, assigning so much importance to the actual dates of those horrible days is becoming just too much for me. Does dreading every February 28th honor her life? Does that bring her back? Filling February and March of every year with dread and sadness is not helping me lead a productive life and it does not bring any sense of closure. I have to stop blaming the months. They are just words on a calendar page. I'm using this day to try my best to let it go.

So, in an effort to get on with life, I choose...

I choose to remember her in life.
I choose to remember her every day, not just on the bad days.
I choose to wish her Happy Birthday on every December 10.
I choose not to wear the sadness that February 28th represents.
I choose not to wear the sadness that March 7th represents.
I choose not to relive that horrific time every year.
I choose to look at her picture and smile.....OK, I can't quite do this yet.
I choose to remember the whole person; her good, her bad and her in-between.
I choose to be grateful for the time she was here.
I choose to let go of what she could have been and appreciate what she was.
I choose to move on.....because I have to.

Doing our best to live life for today is the job, often the chore, of those left behind.

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