Best Laid Plans

I was reminded of a story from my childhood today. When I was about 12 or so I was running around, driving my mother crazy, doing those annoying things that kids do out of boredom. If memory serves, this was about the time when "Little House On The Prairie" was debuting and becoming popular. I LOVED that show as a kid. I remember I announced to Mom in a flash of determination, "I think I will go build a covered wagon."

Seeing a chance to get some peace, Mom replied in a reassuring tone of voice, "Why Honey! I think that is an excellent idea! You go on out in the yard and start building that covered wagon."

Of course, we all know what she was really thinking. We know she wisely used some of that magical "Mom Logic".

With Mom's approval fresh in my mind, I boldly walked out in the front yard and took a look around. All of a sudden, in the heat of that Texas afternoon, that flash of determination morphed into the realization that I had no idea how to build a covered wagon. I didn't know where to start. And Boy, was it hot out here! Being the honest kid that I was, I walked back into the comfort of the cool house and announced, "I don't know how to build a covered wagon. I think I'll go play Barbies now".

That was the end of those best laid plans.

I tell this story because I can apply that little tale to much of what happens in life. We think of what seems like a grand idea, only to find that in the reality of the universe, our personal skills don't match up with that grand idea. In childhood we can afford to dream big. We still don't know what it takes to make an idea come to fruition. When we get into our teenage years, we still dream, but there is a little more sense of our limitations. By the time we become adults, with adult responsibilities, many ideas and dreams become welcome friends who don't visit often. Not that ideas cease to exist. Hopefully no one who happens to read my little blog will ever experience the lack of dreams or ideas. But when we grow up, most of us, if we are lucky and paid attention to our experiences, understand that in order to get to "Good Idea Land-Where the Ideas are Realities", we have to learn skills to accomplish the ultimate goal. There are necessary steps we have to follow to get from point A to point B and beyond. I am amazed that there are many people in this world who don't understand that.

For instance, I knew at a young age I wanted to have my own apartment. I wanted to be independent and live on my own. While some little girls were planning their wedding, I was planning my first apartment. As a child, I used to devour the Sears Catalog. That really was my book of big dreams. I would sit with the catalog and make a list of all the things I would need to set up my first apartment. I'll need a bed. Now how much does that cost? I'd look up the price and write it down. I'm going to need sheets for the bed. What color do I want for my bed? How much do those sheets cost? I would go to the linens section and look it up and write it on my list. I used to love doing this. Yes, I'm weird...dare I say a Geek? But I loved planning and decorating my little place, if only in the Sears Catalog. When life around me was too much to bear, I would go to a quiet place in the house (that was hard to find) and take hours planning and decorating my first apartment. Then I would total up the price tag to see how much money it would take for me to achieve this goal. I think I started doing this when I was around 10 or so. I don't really remember when I stopped. I guess at around 18 or 19. I got my first apartment when I was about 20.

I'm not saying that I was some gifted child who came equipped with necessary life skills out of the womb...far from it. But I knew that there were steps involved to get what I really wanted. I also knew there was a price to pay for everything. Mom taught me that I needed a decent job to achieve that goal. In order to get a decent job, I needed some skills. In order to get skills, I needed education...and so on. Mom would say, "Go put your application in", a phrase that she still uses today with my niece. She was always on the lookout for jobs she thought were good for me. As scared as I was about taking this step into the working world, I listened to her. I did go and "put my application in" to just about any place she suggested. Once I got the hang of it, I thought of some places on my own. When I was 13 or 14 I went to work at an ice cream shop, thanks to Mom. From the time I was 16 until 18 I worked at a Dry Cleaners. I went to work at a bank as a drive up teller at the age of 18. One job led to the other job and I worked my way through 2 years of College. As difficult as that time was, it also provided a good foundation from which I could learn to support myself and achieve that ultimate goal of my very own apartment.

Life skills are so important to teach a child. I'm afraid that so many parents now just assume that their child will just magically understand what skills are necessary to be a productive person. Don't get me wrong, I know there are good parents who know they are raising children to become good adults. I heard Michelle Obama telling Barbara Walters in an interview that life skills start early. You start at 10 or so. "You don't want the kid to be 18 and you just start to teach them what they need to know." Of course I'm paraphrasing. But that was the gist. But what about the kids who had parents who didn't possess any life skills? Parents can't teach kids what they don't know themselves. There is a whole bunch of confused teens out there who don't have a clue. There are also kids who don't want to learn and don't come by survival skills naturally. Those are the kids I'm worried about. Is there an entire generation of ne'er-do-wells headed down the pike? How do we reach those kids? How do we help them become productive, successful people? When they don't want help and think they know everything, how do we know their life lessons won't cause them irreparable harm?

How do we help them build their covered wagon?